Butterflies part 58
by Kksaunt1
Summary: Twins & family & longing


Jack was sitting on the bed his knees propped up, both babies in his lap. He was comparing them, looking at their similarities and differences. Barely an hour old, tiny and perfect, his sons mesmerized him. Elizabeth had done an unbelievable job giving birth to them. Right now, she was next to him, asleep. He looked at her and then looked at his babies again. Will, had her lips. Drew had a heart shaped mouth that he knew was just like his own.

Jack's Mom and Bill were coming over this morning to visit. They had no idea Elizabeth had given birth, let alone to two babies.

Caleb peeked in just as the sun was showing through the curtains. "Daddy?" Caleb whispered.

"Yes, Caleb?"

"I'm hungry. Grandma doesn't know how to cook."

Jack chuckled to himself. This was a true statement, but one he planned on fixing when he had the chance. "Ok, as soon as your Mama wakes up, I will come make everyone breakfast."

"Ok, Thank you Daddy."

"Oh and Caleb? When Papa and Grandma Charlotte come over this morning, don't tell them about your brothers. I want to surprise them."

"Ok! Surprises are fun!" He said that a little two excitedly and Elizabeth stirred in her sleep. "Sorry," Caleb whispered and walked out.

"Morning, Love," Elizabeth said as she slowly brought herself up to the sitting position against the headboard.

"Hi, how are you feeling, Sweetheart?"

"Like I just gave birth to two babies."

The boys were starting to wake up, making grunting and sucking noises. "Are you ready to eat, boys?"

Jack said quietly. Elizabeth unbuttoned her nightgown completely, knowing she was going to need to feed them at the same time.

"Ok, Jack, you'll need to help me, Sweetie. Give me them one at a time." He handed her Will first and she got him settled and then Jack helped Drew get settled in her other arm. As always, with all of their babies, the boys latched on with no problem and began eating. "I missed this so much, Jack." She looked up at him and smiled, tears on the descent down her cheeks. He dried her tears and looked at them.

"You're so beautiful. I've missed watching you do this." He looked at her with so much love, she felt the familiar butterflies appear and her cheeks turn pink. She stared back, his eyes to his lips and then back, asking him to kiss her, pleading with him. He leaned toward her to kiss her but Grace popped her head in the door. Maddie and Emmy and Caleb were with her.

"Morning, everyone," Jack said with a smile. Inside he was a bit disappointed he didn't get to kiss his wife right then, but on the other hand, it was great having all of his children in one room.

"Sorry to interrupt. The girls were asking for you both, so I figured they might want to see their brothers."

"Its just fine, Mom. Come in." Jack got up and lifted the girls onto the bed.

Maddie and Emmy crawled over and looked at their Mama. "Mama? Two Babies, one, two," Maddie pointed.

"Yes, Honey. Two babies."

Emmy smiled, showing her dimples. "Two." She stood up and kissed their cheeks and made herself comfortable on Elizabeth's legs. She had never seen Mama do this and was amazed, apparently.

"Daddy? I'm hungry."

"Ok, let's go eat. Girls want to come eat breakfast?"

The girls crawled carefully off the bed and followed Jack and Caleb to the kitchen.

Grace watched her daughter feeding her babies. She was very proud of her, to say the least. Elizabeth looked up at her Mother.

"What is it?"

Grace's eyes filled with tears. "I'm very proud of you, Beth. Your Father would have loved to meet his grandsons."

"Yes, he would have. I'm glad you're here, Mother. I will really need your help, especially when Jack is gone."

"Anything, Sweetheart."

"Well, first, I need to burp them but since I don't have a free hand, can you take one and I'll take the other?"

Grace sat on the bed next to Elizabeth and took the closest one, which happened to be Will, and moved him to her own shoulder. Then Elizabeth did the same with Drew. "This is tricky now, but I can't imagine trying to do it when they're much bigger," Elizabeth mentioned. "I'm always going to need someone with me."

"I'll be here."

Jack walked in with a plate of food for Grace and Elizabeth. "Who's hungry?"

"I am," they said together.

Jack set the food on the table and then took his boys to the cradle. Right now they both fit in the cradle but he would need a second one. Elizabeth buttoned her nightgown and started eating. She was so hungry and the food tasted wonderful. "This is really good, Love. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched Elizabeth devouring her food.

"What?" She smiled, turning pink again. He leaned forward and slowly kissed her, lingering a bit. He didn't care that Grace was sitting there with them.

"Beautiful," he whispered and then got up and left the room.

"Sorry, Mother. I don't know what he's thinking sometimes."

"Don't be sorry. He loves you. I've seen you kiss before."

"I know, it's just kind of a private thing."

"Well, just so you know, in the last few hours I've seen you give birth to two babies and I've seen you nurse them. Kissing your husband is far less private than those things."

"Good point."

They heard a knock on the door and Charlotte popped her head in. "Mom? Come in!"

"Jack said there is a surprise waiting in here for me?"

"Over there," Elizabeth pointed to the cradle.

"Oh! Twins?" Elizabeth nodded. "Oh, Sweetheart, congratulations!" Charlotte came over and hugged her. "Hi, Grace, how are you?"

"Hi, Charlotte, I'm well."

"Boys or girls?"

"Two boys, William Thomas, after all three of his Grandfathers and Andrew Michael. We call them Will and Drew."

"That sounds wonderful, Sweetie. Good names." Another knock at the door, brought Bill in. "Good morning ladies. Sorry to intrude."

"Bill, come in. Meet your newest grandchildren."

"More than one?"

"Two boys." He walked over to the cradle and knelt down.

"Elizabeth, they're beautiful. All of my grandchildren are beautiful." He walked over to Elizabeth and kissed her forehead. "What are their names?"

"William Thomas and Andrew Michael."

He realized the meaning of Will's name and a tear rolled down his cheek. He smiled and kissed Charlotte's cheek. "I'm so proud. Thank you," he said as he hugged Elizabeth.

Maddie ran in the door closely followed by Emmy. "Papa here! Gamma here!" They ran to Charlotte and Bill. 'Two Gamma, one two," she pointed. Everyone chuckled.

Elizabeth yawned. "I'm sorry everyone, I'm exhausted. I'm going to have to kick you out."

"Oh, we understand."

"Mama, Bug seep too?" Maddie asked.

"Ok, you can stay, but you have to be quiet."

"Stay, Mama?" Emmy asked, feeling left out.

"Ok, Em, you too."

Elizabeth scooted down under the covers with her girls and attempted to sleep, but the girls were giggling and not quiet.

"Girls, please. Mama needs to sleep. You are going to have to leave if you're not quiet."

"Yes, Mama."

Later when she woke up, Caleb, Maddie, Emmy and Jack were all sleeping with her and the boys were waking up to be fed again.

"Jack, Hon, wake up," she said, touching his arm.

"What's wrong, Elizabeth?"

"Nothing, I just need to feed the babies. I think they need to be changed too."

"Ok, I'll change them."

"Thank you." She watched Jack's face as he changed his sons diapers. He was so happy and proud. He finished Will first so he handed him to Elizabeth and then he changed Drew.

"Here you go, Mama," he said helping Elizabeth get him situated. Then he leaned down and kissed her.

"I love you."

"I love you more." He looked at his family, sleeping in his bed.

"Sweetie, we have a lot of kids."

"Very true, Jack," she said with a giggle.

Jack took the next two weeks off to help Elizabeth. On his first day back to work, he received a telegram sending him out of town.

"I'm sorry, Sweetie. I wish I didn't need to go." He kissed her forehead as he held her tightly against his chest.

"Me too." She knew that they had been very fortunate because he had not had to leave her in the last year, but it didn't make it less hard to think of him being away. "I'll pack your things for you," she said quietly as she left his arms and walked to the closet.

A half hour later, they walked out of their bedroom so he could say goodbye to Caleb, Maddie and Emmy who were playing in the living room. Jack went and sat down on the floor next to the kids. "Hey guys."

"Hi, Daddy," Caleb said without taking his eyes off the tower of blocks he and his sisters were building.

"I have to leave for awhile. I need you to promise me you will be good and help Mama as much as you can, ok?"

Caleb looked up with sad eyes. "When are you coming back?"

"I don't know yet, buddy." He looked like he might cry. Caleb jumped up and wrapped his arms around Jack's neck. "I'll miss you, Caleb."

"I'll miss you too, Daddy."

"Me hug?" Maddie asked. She didn't know exactly what was going on, but it didn't feel happy. Caleb let go a moment later and wiped his eyes. Jack picked up Maddie and held her close.

"Hi, Bug."

"Daddy go?"

"Yes, but I'll be back as soon as I can." Maddie leaned against Jack's chest. She always felt safe there, in his arms. "I love you, Bug."

"Love Daddy." He kissed her cheeks causing her to giggle.

Emmy walked over, not wanting to be left out. When Maddie left his lap to go play, it was Emmy's turn. She loved her Dada but didn't have the words yet to tell him so she cuddled with him. "Hi, Em. How's my pretty girl?"

"Dada." Jack stroked her curls and kissed her cheek.

Elizabeth had slipped away to the kitchen to avoid the tears she knew she would have watching him say goodbye to the kids and she wanted to make him some food. She was slicing some bread and meat for him, when she felt his arms slip around her waist from behind. She wrapped her own arms around his and they stayed like that for a bit. She turned and faced him, pulling his necklace out and holding his ring in her hand and then put it back where it was safe.

"I miss you already," he whispered. She sighed and buried her face in his neck.

She wanted to tell him not to go, but she knew that wouldn't be fair. He stayed as long as he could, but he needed to go. It was a long ride to his first stop and he didn't want to travel in the dark. "Baby, I need to go." She tilted her chin to meet his lips one more time, savoring the kiss for as long as possible. Then he left and she couldn't hold her tears anymore.

After all the grief and loss they had been through in the past year and a half, she knew how fragile life was and she knew he was in danger anytime he left town for work. She tried to be brave for the kids, especially Caleb, but there was only so much emotion she could handle on her own without crying.

She heard one of the boys cry in her bedroom. She was pretty sure it was Drew, but she wasn't quite sure. She walked in, "Hi, little man. Are you lonely? Mama is too, although I don't know how that's possible with so many people in the house." Will started whimpering too, maybe sensing her mood, but more than likely because his brother wasn't right next to him. Elizabeth tried rocking the cradle with her foot but Will got increasingly upset. Elizabeth sighed. She knew she'd have to pick him up too but needed to figure out how. She put Drew on the bed and went to pick up Will. Drew however started crying the minute she put him down. "Hang on, Mama's coming Sweetie." She got Will settled in her arm and scooped up Drew with her free arm. "Ok, boys. Mama's got you." She walked around, bouncing as she walked until they quieted. Then she decided to go to the living room, but instead of putting them to bed, she took them with her.

Charlotte walked in as Elizabeth was walking into the living room. "Oh let me take one of them for you."

"Its ok, Mom. I just got them to stop crying. I'll hold them for a bit. But, if you want to help, I bet everyone's hungry. Oh and maybe, no lard," she said with a wink.

"Bill likes my cooking, just so you know, Sweetheart."

"That's good. I'm glad." She laughed, remembering when she first met Charlotte.

"Gamma, Bug hungry," Maddie said.

"Ok, little missy."

"No, me Bug, Gamma."

"Sorry, Bug." She chuckled and went to make lunch, leaving out the lard as requested.

"Beth, why did you tell Charlotte no lard?" Grace asked.

"When she first came to town, before Jack and I were even engaged, I had her and Jack over for dinner. While I was cooking she insisted on putting lard in my shepherd's pie. It wasn't good. Jack wouldn't eat more than a few bites. Then every time after that that she cooked for him she would add it. So I was joking with her."

"Oh I see. She was testing both of you."

"What do you mean?"

"She was testing to see if you would tell Jack she added it and testing him to see if he would eat it, even if it wasn't good, just because you cooked it for him. Very sneaky."

"I guess it was. I did tell him she added it, but before I told him, he lied about it being good. I could see it on his face."

"He's very sweet, trying to spare your feelings."

"Yes, sweetest man I've ever known."

"Its hard for you when he's gone, isn't it?"

"Very. Hard to sleep, hard to do anything really."

"Does he know how long he'll be away?"

"No, but he said it was a three day ride to his first stop."

"Does it bother you that you don't know what he's doing?"

"It used to, but now, it only bothers me that I don't know if he's safe."

That night, Jack was sitting by the fire, thinking about his family. He was very lonely and cold. This job in particular had him worried. He didn't know any details about the case. Usually they provide some. All he knew was where his first stop was…from there he was told he would get more details. Without knowing what he was getting himself into, he was worried about his own safety.

Dear Elizabeth,

I'm sitting here, by the fire, wishing you were with me. Our conversations by the fire have always been something I treasure. I miss you so much and I've only been gone six hours. I can't even imagine after six days or six weeks. We should be used to this by now but it never gets any easier, does it?

I have a little more than two days of riding before I get to my first stop, as long as the weather holds. If they have a telegraph, I will send one, otherwise, I will mail this.

I love you, Sweetheart. I hope to see you very soon. Kiss the kids for me.

Jack

He put the letter in an envelope and put it in his bag and laid down to attempt to sleep.

A week later, Elizabeth received his letter. Charlotte had been to town and brought it to her, knowing how worried she must have been. Charlotte walked in the house and found Elizabeth sitting on the couch, staring at the fire. "Good Afternoon, Sweetie."

"Hi, Mom. What brings you by?"

"I have a letter for you. Are you doing ok?"

"Sure." She put on a brave smile, but didn't convince Charlotte.

"Aren't you going to read it?"

"I think I'll wait until later."

"Ok, where is everyone?"

"Sleeping."

Charlotte took off her coat and sat down next to Elizabeth on the couch. She knew that she was missing Jack, but this seemed like more.

"Elizabeth?"

"Yes?"

"Look at me." Elizabeth turned her head and looked.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just tired."

"If everyone else is sleeping, this is your chance to sleep too."

"I can't."

"You're worried?"

"Yes."

"Maybe his letter will help you with that."

"Maybe, or maybe It will just make me miss him more." She leaned her head against Charlotte's shoulder.

The second letter arrived a week later.

Dear Elizabeth,

I made it to my second stop, hopefully, this is where I will stay for the duration. I can't tell you, as you know, about my assignment, but I am safe. I will find out in a few days if I need to keep heading east, or if I can come back to you.

I met a wonderful family here. The couple was kind enough to let me stay with them and their four children. I love it, because it reminds me of us. I have been struggling so much with the quiet of sleeping outside, by myself. Now, the wonderful noise of the children and a crying baby is such a comfort. Of course, nothing compares to waking up to your beautiful face or to Bug and Emmy sleeping nose to nose in the crib in their room, or to Caleb's sweet love that he freely gives to everyone in his life. Nothing compares to Will and Drew waking up every two hours to eat or be changed. Even though these things are true, I feel at home because you are all with me, in my mind and heart constantly, from the moment I wake up until I close my eyes at night.

I hope this letter finds you, my brave, amazing wife, loving our five babies and taking care of yourself. I can't wait to hold you in my arms again. Hopefully that will be very soon.

Love you, Baby

Jack

When Charlotte brought the letter to her, she said she would read it later but instead, she put it in her desk with the other one.

Three more weeks brought three more letters, all of which ended up in the desk drawer. Jack was getting desperate for his family. Elizabeth hadn't responded to any of his letters. He tried not to panic, but he didn't know what else to think except that something was wrong. Was it the babies? Had something happened to his Mom? Was Elizabeth sick? He needed to know, but he couldn't leave before his assignment was over. He had at least another week there.

Grace was cleaning the office when she came across Elizabeth's letters from Jack, unopened. It struck her as very odd, considering how worried Elizabeth seemed to be. Why would she not read the letters?

"Beth, can we talk for a moment?"

"Of course," Elizabeth said. She was finishing dinner for her older children and cleaning up the kitchen.

"How's Jack doing?"

"Just fine, I'm sure."

"Does he sound ok in his letters?"

"I don't know."

"Why don't you know?"

"I haven't read them."

"None of them? He's written you five letters."

"I know how many he's written."

"Beth? This doesn't make any sense."

"No, I suppose not."

"Mama? I'm hungry. Are we gonna eat soon?"

"Yes, go get your sisters." Caleb ran off to get them.

"Elizabeth? Explain it to me."

"Mother, it really doesn't concern you."

"Yes, it does. You are my daughter. Anything that happens to you is my concern."

"Please, let it go."

"Beth…"

"Mama eat! Mama eat!" Maddie yelled as she ran in the room.

Elizabeth's patience was wearing thin, but she was grateful for the interruption. She picked up Maddie and Emmy and put them in their chairs and Caleb climbed up on his. She put their dishes in front of them and started washing the pan that she used to cook the food.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"No, I'm not hungry. Can you watch the kids for a bit? Drew and Will need to eat soon."

"Of course."

Elizabeth walked in to the bedroom, and sat in the rocking chair. She couldn't explain to her mother what she was feeling or why, because she really didn't know herself. She knew that she missed Jack. She longed to feel his arms around her, his kisses. She wanted to see his smile, his messy hair in the morning. She needed to hold his hand and enjoy his hugs and kind words. She knew that his letters might help, and yet, for some reason she didn't want to read them.

After the kids were all asleep that night, Elizabeth sat on the couch in front of the fire. Grace walked in with the stack of letters.

"Beth, tell me what is bothering you."

"Besides missing my husband so much it hurts?" She knew she was being testy, but it just came out.

"I know how that feels, but please don't be disrespectful. I don't deserve that, Elizabeth."

"Of course you don't. I'm sorry."

Grace took Elizabeth's hand and put the letters in it. "Mother, I don't…"

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just can't."

"I can stay with you as you read them. Beth, his letters. Are they very personal?"

"Sometimes. He swears he's not a good writer, but he's gotten better over the years." She smiled, remembering the past letters. "I feel like he's here talking to me when I read them."

"What do you miss most about him?"

"His aftershave and how his breath smells and tastes like peppermint." She smiled as she remembered their first kiss. "I've always found it very…intoxicating." Her cheeks turned pink.

"I miss your Father's cigars."

"Those smelly things?"

"Yes, but there was something about them. Kind of like you and Jack's aftershave and peppermint." Elizabeth stared at the fire. "What else do you miss, Beth?"

"Everything."

"Be specific."

"His eyes, Mother, have you noticed his eyelashes?"

"Yes, Dear."

"His dimples, when he smiles. He gives me butterflies."

"Butterflies?"

"Shortly after we met, I started liking him. I enjoyed his friendship but I wanted to be with him as much as possible. One day, after a particularly challenging event in the town, he said that he was wrong and apologized for questioning my character. Then he called me Bella. Oh my gosh, Mother. The way he looked at me, I swear he loved me, even that early on. When he called me Bella, I felt this feeling in my stomach. It was a good feeling, the only way I can describe it is like butterflies. Nervous, happy, excited, all in one."

"Sounds wonderful. It sounds like you loved him too."

"Maybe I did. Ever since then, just being in the same room with him, he just has to be there, and I feel it."

"Mama?"

"Caleb? What are you doing up?"

"Can I stay with you? I had a bad dream."

"For a few minutes. It's really late." He climbed up into her lap and hugged her neck. "You are getting almost too big for this, Sweetheart." Her seven year old was no longer little. He had grown several inches in the past few months and so cuddling with him was becoming more difficult.

"Is Daddy ok?"

"I'm sure he is just fine and will come home soon."

"My dream was scary, Mama. Daddy got hurt and then no one could find him."

"Shhh. Caleb, Daddy will be just fine. Don't worry, Ok?"

Elizabeth rocked her son back and forth until he fell asleep. She gently laid him down on the couch next to her and picked up the first letter.


End file.
